Glad you enjoyed it :). Trust me. Childhood trauma can have long-term consequences, and the struggle to connect with others is one of the most significant of these. But bidding your time and waiting for people to notice you will get you no where. When our neighbors moved in, I always took food and welcomed them to the neighborhood. @Kaushik, thanks for your thoughts. So this is poorly managed, people may find them as annoying or challenging. Hi John .. (Yes, I know I struggle with pride too!) Unfortunately, this vice has been a major factor in why I often get burned out. Do both and you’ll be much better off. Try not to get an emotional sugar rush reading these things. I hope you’ve learned something :). Required fields are marked *. We need to push this fear of connecting and fear of rejection aside. I just don't do it very often. Technology has put so much of a barrier between us that we forgot the people who use them (such as you behind the screen). If anything she is stronger because of them. What we all have in common, however, is that we all benefit from being able to connect to others, and that not being able to directly affects our quality of life and even, research now shows, our physical health and longevity. That feeling of shyness isn’t yours alone. As you said, we’re all human. It just takes a little less shyness to be able to introduce yourself and break the ice. It takes a lot of time and hard work to control severe anxiety, and I know mine will never truly go away. In individuals who’ve experienced childhood trauma, all of these stages can be disrupted. Hey Art, nice to hear your thoughts. People who sign up there want to talk, all you need to do is give them a chance. Dr. Jennifer Howard I admit that my initial thoughts on connecting were based on the “never talk to strangers” mindset. Lead 5 Reasons Why Employees Don't Speak Up and How to Fix It We all say we value 'a good listener.' Lisa may have had difficult experiences, but that doesn’t change the person who she is now. This video discusses how the DISC theory can help. Your email address will not be published. These are all possible signs of a personality disorder , a common reason connecting with people is an issue. They often feel awkward and anxious in social situations, leading to upsetting interactions which only reinforce their sense of alienation. Congrats! Society has focused on self-esteem Trauma in childhood can come in many forms. A personality disorder means that the way you see the world, and therefore the ways you behave, just don’t match the way that most people see things . There is also a good book I read back in college by David Wygant. I believe there are 5 key reasons we keep ourselves from truly feeling love, respect and appreciation -- why we block ourselves from letting it in, and healing from it. S/he wants the connection as much as you do. Can you really survive without someone to connect with? @Hilary, I see what you’re saying. When we meet people, we inherently put our radar up. I doubt people who’ve lived the best lives stayed in the same place for too long or talked to the same people forever. I’m glad you found interest in my post! Your email address will not be published. You’re not a kid anymore. Long lasting relationships can be found anywhere, both on- and offline. Energy flows between two people. @Nea Your exactly right! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Sometimes, their deep ambivalence about closeness makes them behave in ways that are confusing or off-putting to others. Living with harmony with others is easier said than done, especially in a world filled with conflict, catastrophes, and differing opinions. I can't connect to the Internet with my laptop. Do you want to know why empathic people have unique struggles? I saw your first video on Timeless Information. Problems like stress, posttraumatic stress, health concerns, depression, anxiety, irritability, insomnia, feeling out of place or disconnected, or difficulties with memory may interfere with strong relationships.Family members and friends may not understand these problems very well, including how they can affect relationships. There are billions of people on the planet. I can tell you’re a very special person and that this world needs more people like you. How connected we feel to others is a strong predictor of our happiness and feelings of self-worth. Why do some people still hold “never talk to strangers” as their mantra? The only way you can escape it is if you’re nothing and completely forgettable. Your doctor is a good resource as well. This is still a problem as I often see this in public. I just blend in .. and don’t jump in – wait and see how things develop and sometimes I’m so pleased I didn’t make that move – as I’m sure I’d experience Lisa’s rather unfortunate experiences. There are so many levels to connecting with others. Even if not, talk to a counselor or therapist if you have any of these other symptoms. Individuals with emotional wounds from a hurtful childhood often feel uncomfortable around other people and don’t know how to act. The lack of civility is a hot topic in editorials. In the first scenario, it’s the news and media, in the second, it’s your parents, and in the third, it’s to just about everybody else. How to Live in Harmony with Others. However all people we meet – we need to be with them at their level, sharing their interests, their culture, learning from them if appropriate, and being polite – some definitely won’t match up and then one just smiles and stops or move on. Of course you shouldn’t rush in. Copyright © 2021 Possibility Change | Powered by Astra WordPress Theme. With social media becoming our future, people are more likely to connect from their home, rather than stepping outside and meeting somebody in person. More and more, our “relationships” are carried out through social media as opposed to in-person. It sounds like you are saying a version of the same . For an introvert, a friendship has to be meaningful. It would take me several interactions with someone before opening up on any kind of real level would feel appropriate. My answer is: social media groups. my friend shared with me a theory based on the unique fingerprint (dermatoglyphics) which reflects our genetic characteristic. April is all about spring cleaning our minds. I quite often talk to people, not always – if I’m in a place where I don’t need to be doing something (eg the bus, or the train), but can just get gather my thoughts – quite nice! Good to see you here. These individuals have difficulty forming close bonds, either because they don’t expect people to stick around or because after everything they’ve been through, it’s difficult for them to open their heart to someone else. If you don't know the IP of a server, thousands of public It takes courage to do it, but what takes the most work, yields the most profit in the long run. I'm quite a bit older than that, now. Introverts and empaths often struggle to make friends. If you Humans are social animals: We crave feeling supported, valued and connected. They might be terrified of being hurt, exploited, abandoned or rejected. great post! The power of positive thinking is at the foundation of our survival. But through being honest, searching for help and consistently using the techniques I’ve learned to control the anxiety, I’ve developed support both externally and internally and made great strides in bettering my life. Rejection is one of the main reasons people don’t just get out there and start connecting. I'm quite a bit older than that, now. I try to remember to smile at people, and sometimes, that is enough…. In my opinion, it’s easier to approach someone when you know you’ll never see them again if the interaction doesn’t work out. I say bravo to you , Lisa for connecting in the kindest of spirits. It is our differences that make us who we are. There may be times when the other person's attention is focused upon other matters, but be patient and reach out in a loving way. Tracey Harris 15 January 2014 | 7:00 AM PA Could it just be that there is an unseen epidemic, insidious, hidden, lurking ready to raise its ugly head with every disappointment or setback? I’ve been meditating for 6 months now. We aren’t hermits, we need to connect in order to survive. It can take the shape of severe parental neglect or abandonment; boundary violations or exploitation; constant criticism or undermining; parental addiction(s) or incarceration; physical assault or sexual molestation; experiences of profound loss or fear, or living in unstable or dangerous environments. Overbearing parents tend to keep their children close to them (partly due to the risk touched upon in the first point) and are always ready to retort their child’s plea for adventure with the remark, “You’re too young to understand.” In effect, this implants in their minds a certain misconception that you have to be a certain age before you can make your own decisions, even on things that require you to break out of your comfort zone. Exactly! Here are some reasons why it might feel like you don't fit, as well as what to do about it. Why Do Some People Survive and Others Struggle? Great thoughts, Serenity Hacker! I have to say that I haven’t found many people welcoming into their larger social circles. Introverts and empaths often struggle to make friends. I struggle to trust that someone else will do something as good as I would. I’m more centered and calm because of it. Here is my point of view: Talking to someone who shares the same feeling as you – it connects you. When we meet … Loneliness is very much a part of our modern society. What's more, some find it particularly difficult to connect with other women and might on occasion wonder: Why don't I have female friends? All you’ve got to do is ask for it. Self-compassion, on the other hand, emphasizes connection with others, based on a shared experience of suffering and struggle that we all face. As adults, our job is to take charge by way of healing whatever wounds from what was lacking or overbearing from our childhood wounding. They aren’t interested in having large groups of acquaintances as they find this kind of social activity shallow.. As an introvert or an empath, it can be tricky to make friends and find people who feel the same way about friendship. Marcia's practice is currently full and she is not taking new patients. Is it just me? I personally believe it is because of these three big reasons: As a kid growing up, there wasn’t a day I watched TV that there wasn’t an announcement of something horrible. P.S. In other words, there is an organic time stamp on different friendships – some are set to last for a short time, others for a longer period of time, and others for a … Whether you want to connect with people socially, make a great first impression, or to build connections for work, it can be a bit intimidating to find a way to bond with people, at first. I can’t believe this! If you’ve been keeping to yourself or having difficulties with interpersonal relationships, it could be a sign that you have childhood trauma. Others, like Ted Bundy, are more cunning in hiding their extreme pathology but obviously struggle to relate to others in a normal, healthy fashion. Being neutral may make life easier, but it also makes life boring. It’s never too late to start connecting with others, but if you keep waiting until you’re 100% comfortable connecting, it just might be. 1. And fear has never done anything positive for anyone. In another example, we recently started attending a church and offered to join a supper group but were told that by the first group had to “hold a vote” to decide if they would allow us to attend. Step a little bit out of your comfort zone and you’re sure to be rewarded. But we can still connect to the Internet through a wireless router with other devices still. And instead of always being wrapped up in our own affairs, we should share them with one another. Dr. Marcia Sirota discusses the impact politics has on mental health with Devon Peacock, Dr. Marcia Sirota discusses how we can remain hopeful for what the future holds for us in 2021 while also acknowledging we’re still living through far from normal times with Jess Brady, Dr. Marcia Sirota discusses how the pandemic year has affected our lifestyles and psychology with Arlene Bynon, Constant Workplace Interpersonal Conflicts? This is why I like to prepare a few questions to keep in mind before I go out with people. That’s why … John Anyasor is the founder of his personal development blog. Fear of rejection is only a state of mind and if we adopt a habit that fear is always going to be a part of us, then it will be easier to connect with people that we are afraid of. They both ended, naturally. But extroverts only give a very small, limited amount of time in the beginning. Gone are the days when people proclaimed that all chat rooms are dangerous. You may struggle to feel in sync with people Here are a few examples of why you struggle to build a romantic relationship with your empathic soulmate . I’m friendly with everyone I meet from cashiers to fellow commuters, but I can’t say that it’s always returned. It is through difficulty that we learn the most. HOW CONNECTIONS HELP Your friend gets your joke. Find out how you can contribute to my work each month and receive great rewards! I can connect with others just fine. Whew! Ultimately, if we really want to connect meaningfully with others, we have to do it in-person. This started a couple of days ago. Positive Letters Inspirational Stories. I can connect with others just fine. Most of our ability to truly connect is learned from a very young age. I used to take the bus to campus and it would sometimes be so hard to start conversations because the atmosphere would be so tense. The second group told us they didn’t want anyone in their group that had kids because they’d just redecorated. Whilst there are many reasons why people find it hard to know how to respond to emotion, people who can’t make an emotional connection will struggle to react in an appropriate way. You can still make friends. People with childhood trauma may have deep (and valid) needs for love and nurturing that weren’t met when they were growing up. For individuals with childhood trauma, the ubiquity of social media makes it that much easier to avoid the challenges of connecting. They risked rejection and put themselves out there. Now I’ve learned so much about the world. It would be helpful if young people could receive some kind of communication training in school so everyone would know at least the basics. For the most part, it seems everyone has their set number of friends or circle and there is no room for me. These individuals have trouble getting close to other people, and when they do connect with others, the relationships they form aren’t always constructive ones. P.S. We may not be invincible (we are human after all) that doesn’t mean we should seal ourselves away from the world. Hi, More and more, we’re so busy and over-extended that we have little time to spend with the people we care about. That’s really great advice. For an introvert I sure have rambled a bit, well nice talking to you. That sure is true about fear of rejection or feeling like you’re not going to be up to par to what others expect. I've had relationships with 2 females since I was 19. Just introduce yourself to people you share common interests with. These can be minor to severe, depending on the severity and duration of the trauma, the presence of parental support during the traumatic events; as well as the innate resilience of the child who experienced them. Or even find you just don’t even want to connect, and can’t comprehend why others do? So many people are starved for someone to listen to them, and they end up talking over others. In this day and age, it’s quite apparent that people are connecting everywhere. It seems that for many people these days, it’s gotten a lot harder to connect with others. Some people these days are just suspicious of kindhearted individuals like you because they think there is some hidden ulterior motive behind good actions. @John, Hi .. oh yes at times I’m up front! I’ve made this mistake before actually – if I’d just smiled to that certain person, maybe we could’ve been friends. We share something so common between us, yet most people look around and see differences. For empaths, this can make all types of relationships highly challenging—whether platonic, romantic, familial, or even work-related—because empaths continuously, either consciously or subconsciously, sense other people’s energy states. Now I guess you have no problems connecting at all :). Great post. I also noticed, however, that this ability to connect deeply with other people, is the lifeblood of all the important relationships in my life. Not only that, more importantly, we need to connect in order to thrive and live happily. If that’s what you want. One of the recommendations on posting on others’ blogs is to comment and join the community, but bide your time .. til others notice you .. probably true in life –, Interesting post – thanks – To connect to another player's server, log into Minecraft, select Multiplayer from the main menu, click the Add Server button, and enter the IP or web address of that server. But occasionally especially with people and community relationships a little easing in, is probably better than alienating them, or being cut off .. Don’t let people like your neighbors fool you into thinking the rest of the world is like them. Personally, I find that people are more polarized, cynical and insular. That ship has sailed. We became ostracized, however, when we supported a political issue that our older neighbors did not, and they didn’t hesitate to tell us in colorful language why we were wrong. Regardless of what form the trauma takes, a lack of parental support combined with a higher degree of personal susceptibility to the traumatic events can lead to the formation of emotional wounds, and often, disorders of attachment. Why It Works: This candidate’s response shows important listening and problem-solving skills, which are good indicators of being able to work well with others. I think it’s easier to connect with “anybody” via the internet. I understand what you mean, both you and Lisa. It’s called, “Always Talk to Strangers”. Veterans who have experienced traumatic events … You have to take charge of your life: you have to connect. You’re spot on, Tristan. Self-sensitivity preserves your health and increases your ability to understand others. If childhood trauma is something you’ve experienced, doing this work could make it that much easier for you to connect with others and create meaningful, lasting relationships. They both ended, naturally. Take those chances and reach out to them. While some people might make polite conversation only to turn around and roll their eyes, these people actually want In each of the problems I’ve listed above, you’re giving the power of owning your fate into the control of someone else. By not talking to strangers you can miss out on a wonderful conversation and the sharing of ideas. … People with a history of childhood trauma might believe that others will only want to associate with them if they’re a people-pleaser or care-taker. Parents play a big part in our ability to connect with others, and overprotective ones tend to hinder that ability. In emotionally intact adults, connecting to others comes relatively easy. It’s been said over and over how good it is. The solution to all of these problems is quite simple really: all you have to do is take fate into your own hands. I’m so sorry that you had to put up with the close-mindedness of others. I guess for me, I have a fear of rejection. As my mentor explained, all pots of energy are necessary – and all are desirable. Here are some easy ways to be the listener your employees need to … And we’re all there, human and connected. But as you’ve probably already discovered, the problem with most relationships is that they’re established to avoid loneliness, create comfort or security, or gain some sense of self-worth. Rejection is a part of life. This happens because everyone prefers the familiar, and hurtful people today remind these individuals of the hurtful people from their past. (This is an example of how our psychological defense mechanisms backfire, giving us exactly what we’re trying to avoid.). For empaths, this can make all types of relationships highly challenging—whether platonic, romantic, familial, or even work-related—because empaths continuously, either consciously or subconsciously, sense other people’s energy states. From the local pub to the cafe across the street, from the stands at the little league baseball field to one of the seemingly infinite number of online chat rooms, people are constantly connecting with each other. I've had relationships with 2 females since I was 19. . If you’ve been having difficulty connecting with others, the way to improve your relationships isn’t necessarily through social skills training. Sign up here for my free monthly wellness newsletter. Why do we struggle to receive it? Your spouse hugs you hello. What sets Old Souls apart from others is their deeper level of maturity or wisdom, and with this wisdom comes the need to live and love authentically. Thanks for the worthwhile material that helps us connect when we should be connecting. But not all pots of energy mesh well with one another. We have to put aside these thoughts of what others expect, or what they will think of us, because we miss out on opportunities when we get stuck thinking about those thoughts. We look back on how we could have communicated with certain folks months ago, and missed the opportunity, and how it could have helped us a lot if we had put aside our thoughts of what they would think. So what i am driving at is everyone is unique and there is nothing right or wrong in the above traits. They enter into co-dependent relationships and when these invariably fall apart, they’re more fearful than ever of being hurt. This leads people to falsely believe that the only people who could ever truly understand their ‘real’ selves are themselves.